Today we said goodbye to one of the strongest, warmest, most elegant women I’ve ever met: my beautiful grandma, Aileen Melis. It was only a few short weeks ago that she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This came as quite a shock to everyone who knew her as she had always been the picture of health – strong, vital, rarely so much as a cold. At 86 she still traveled, volunteered, played games and visited thrift shops. She was still grandma.

Shortly after her diagnosis Dave and I traveled to Red Wing to visit her. I had a chance to spend an hour or so talking with her in private which is something I will never forget. She was still the same grandma who baked the best cinnamon rolls in the world and had a warm smile for everyone she encountered. We talked and laughed about childhood memories and she told me how proud she was of the woman I had become.

The subject inevitably turned to her diagnosis and I asked her if she was afraid of dying. She told me that she only had two wishes for the end of her life: she wanted to die with dignity and without too much pain. While the death of a loved one is never easy, I’m profoundly happy and grateful that she was able to die the way she lived – with dignity and without too much pain. She was surrounded by family and by love, which is all that anyone can hope for.

One last thought…a few days before her death we were talking about the particularly beautiful sunrise we’d both had the pleasure of seeing that morning. My grandma asked me to think of her every time I saw a sunrise, which is such a beautiful and fitting way to remember her. I will always remember her as someone who lived her life with a kind of quiet elegance, bringing light and joy into my life. She was funny, loving, spirited and generous and my life will not be the same without her. I love you grandma and will miss you deeply. I’ll see you in the sunrise.

My radiant grandma and her beautiful smile.

At Forson’s wedding last summer.

Me, grandma & Dave. I love this picture so much.

Everyone needs a good workout buddy, right? Allow me to introduce my first & only (therefore best) yoga student, Vincent Flottum. He isn’t very good at doing what he’s told, he doesn’t care about when he’s supposed to be breathing & he has a tendency to put his snout in some inappropriate places, but he’s adorable and he teaches me how to be patient. Although I love working with him, I’m hopeful that in the near future I can find some students who won’t leave the mat to go steal dirty socks from the laundry. Happy Sunday!

I was all set to write a serious post about how busy/crazy/sad life has been the past month or so, but I don’t really feel like doing that anymore. Instead I’m going to write about some of the interesting, maybe slightly insane things I’ve been up to. Much more fun, right?

For someone who used to have so little confidence, I now seem to have decided that I can do anything I put my mind to, even if it’s way out of my normal comfort zone or completely beyond my perceived capabilities.

Example #1: I decided out of the blue one day that I will be running a half marathon this summer. I’ve never done more than a 5k at this point, but I’m in a 10k running group right now that ends in April so I figure I can just keep going & I’ll be ready to run a half marathon by the end of June. This seems sort of logical I think. Oh, and it’s in Canada, which somehow in my mind seems to make it a bigger challenge. Oh, and we’re also planning our summer road trip vacation around this, so I can’t really back out. My only consolation is that Dave is even more insane than I am because he has decided to run the 50k. I think this was a case of me saying something out loud that I probably should have thought through a little more. Oh well. I figure if I have to walk parts of it, so be it. I’m going to finish and it’s going to be awesome.

Example #2: On a bit of a whim I signed up for a 2.5 hour hot (a.k.a. Bikram) yoga workshop last weekend and even managed to rope my very willing friend Amy into joining me. You’re probably thinking “what’s so crazy about this, you do yoga all the time” which is exactly what I was saying to myself. I’ve done lots of yoga in hot rooms & I’ve even done a fair amount of yoga in really hot rooms, but I’ve never done over 2 hours of yoga in a 105+ degree room filled with sweaty bodies who all seemed to be MUCH better at it than I was. Did I also mention that I’d never actually done Bikram yoga at all before? No? Well, I hadn’t. Around the 30 minute mark I was cursing myself for being so stupid and arrogant to think that I could actually do this, and I was nearly 100% sure that Amy would never speak to me again for inviting her to this torture-fest. After that “I’m definitely going to barf or die or both” feeling passed, it actually became really enjoyable in an “I’ve never worked this hard in my life” way and by the end of the class I was so energized I felt like I could conquer anything. It was really one of the most remarkable experiences of my life & I can’t wait for the next one (and the popsicles at the end were like manna from heaven).

Example #3: March marks the conclusion of my yoga teacher training experience and I’m really not looking forward to the end. After the first weekend I was convinced that the end couldn’t come soon enough, but over the past several months I’ve really grown to love the experience and look forward to the training weekends. I’ve learned an incredible amount in such a short period of time, and it’s only deepened my love of yoga and helped me build a solid foundation for my own practice. I’m going to miss it so much that I’ve been seriously kicking around the idea of immediately following up this 200 hour program with another 50+ hour hot (Bikram) yoga training starting April. I’ve still got some thinking to do about this one, so stay tuned…

Lots of other stuff has happened over the past several weeks, but I think I’m going to leave that for another day. In closing I will say that life is short and it’s up to each of us to make it memorable and fun and silly. I will leave you with a very silly purchase that I made recently…enjoy.

My crazy chicken that makes me giggle every time I look at it. It creeps Dave out which makes it even more fun for me!

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on the past & thinking about how much things have changed in my life since this time last year. I’ve thought a lot about the reasons for the change, and while they are numerous, the underlying current seems to be that I have changed my story. I understand that while you can’t change the events that have happened to you in the past, you can change the way you think & feel about them. You can change the story you tell yourself.

I was at happy hour the other night with a few new friends, and the conversation turned to stories about our high school/college years. I told a story about a particularly traumatic event that happened in my life when I was 16. This event would alter the course of my life and cause me to redefine who I was as a person. My story for many, many years was this: you are a terrible person, you will never make anything of yourself, you should be ashamed. This story had embedded itself in my brain, in my tissues, in every fiber of my being. It made me sick, physically and mentally. My story followed me everywhere I went. Because I was the one telling it. I was an insecure, fearful, ruined 16-year-old girl in the body of a 30-something year old woman. Looking back it’s no wonder I was constantly sick, miserable & anxious – that’s the only story my brain knew how to tell!

Rewriting my story has been a journey. I’ve found physical strength through yoga, running & healthy eating. I’ve found mental strength through therapy, yoga, lots of reading & some brutal honesty with myself. I’m still that insecure 16-year-old sometimes, but the story I lived with for so many years has been replaced by one of self-love, compassion and healing. I know I’m not a terrible person and I know that shame has no place in my life. I think about how I want my story to unfold in the present & in the future, and I truly believe I’m on the right path.

So that’s my story… How about yours?

xo,

Katie

Our meatless Monday recipe comes from one of my favorite veg websites, The Post Punk Kitchen. I made this stew last winter and it was quite delicious on a cold night. I will definitely be making this dish again now that the temps have dropped below freezing and snow is on the way. Enjoy!

by IsaChandra

Serves 6 to 8
Time: 1 hour

I’m dedicating this month to comfort food recipes to help get you (and me) through the winter. Try as I might to traipse around in a hoodie all year round, I have to come to terms with the reality: winter is here. And that means lots of time warming up indoors. Maybe someday I’ll have a fireplace, but for now the heat of the stove gets me through.

So let’s kick things off with a comfort classic! You can think of it as a play on vegan chicken and dumplings or just take it for what it is — a soul-satisfying, thick and hearty stew with chunky potatoes and carrot, creamy white beans, all laced through and through with dilly yumminess. The dumplings soak up all that goodness on the outside, while staying deliciously doughy in the center.

The funnest part is spooning in the squashy squishy dumpling dough only to reveal beautifully firm and plump dumplings when you lift the lid minutes later. Makes you feel like a kitchen god. Or maybe that’s the cabin fever setting in.

Recipe Notes:
~If your baby carrots are the plump kind, then slice them in half on a diagonal. If they’re thin, don’t bother. And if you’d like to use adult-sized carrots, peel and slice them in 1/4 inch diagonal pieces.

~I use a Le Creuset Dutch oven for this. You don’t need to use cast iron, but the wider the pot the better, because you need lots of surface area to make the roux and cook the biscuits later. If you don’t have a wide pot, then using a large, deep pan will work, too.

For the stew:
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 medium sized sweet onion (like Vidalia or Walla Walla), quartered and thinly sliced
1 teaspoon salt
3 cloves garlic, minced
6 cups vegetable broth, at room temperature
2 stalks celery, tops removed, sliced 1/4 inch thick
1 1/2 pounds potato, in 3/4 inch chunks (peel if they’re russets)
1 cup baby carrots (see note)
1 tablespoon fresh thyme
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
Fresh black pepper
1 15 oz can navy beans, rinsed and drained (about 1 1/2 cups)

For the dumplings:
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoons dried rosemary, finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk (or soy)
2 tablespoons olive oil

First we’re going to make a roux, but it has a little less fat than a traditional roux, which means it doesn’t get as goopy. If you’d like a more traditional roux, just add extra oil.

Preheat a large, heavy bottom pot over medium-low heat.

Add the oil and sprinkle in the flour. Use a wooden spatula to toss the flour in the oil, and stir pretty consistently for 3 to 4 minutes, until the flour is clumpy and toasty.

Add the onion and salt, and toss to coat the onions completely in the flour mixture. As the onions release moisture, they will coat more and more. Cook this way for 5 minutes, stirring often. Add garlic and stir for 30 more seconds or so.

Stream in the vegetable broth, whisking constantly to prevent clumping. Add the celery, potatoes, carrot, dill, thyme, paprika and black pepper, then turn the heat up and cover to bring to a boil. Keep a close eye and stir often, so that it doesn’t clump or boil over.

Once boiling, reduce the heat to a simmer and let cook uncovered for 20 to 25 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the stew is nicely thickened and the potatoes and carrots are tender.

In the meantime, prepare the dumplings.

Sift the flour, baking powder and salt together in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the rosemary. Make a well in the center and add the milk and olive oil. Use a wooden spoon to mix together until a wet dough forms.

When the stew is ready, mix in the beans and plop dough right on top of the stew in spoonfuls. You should get about 14 dumplings. Cover the pot tightly and cook for about 14 more minutes. The dumplings should be nice and firm. Use your ladle to dunk them into the stew to coat.

Ladle stew into bowls, topped with dumplings. And serve

Hi FFF friends! These past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. Week number 4 of yoga teacher training is in the books, and only 4 weekends remain!! It’s so hard to believe that we’re halfway through the journey. After hitting a wall early in week 2, the past few sessions have been pretty incredible. I need a lot of practice & I still have to build some confidence, but I believe deep-down that I WILL be a yoga teacher when this is over. It’s my passion, my heart, my soul, my joy and I want to share it with anyone who will listen!

In other news, I’m several weeks into my no sugar pledge and things have been going well so far. I’m craving a piece of extra-dark chocolate, but other than that I haven’t felt like I’m missing out at all. The piles of cookies and boxes of chocolate that clutter the counters at work have not held their usual magic over me, and I’m able to easily bypass them without a thought. I am considering breaking my pledge and asking my mom to make a birthday cake for me next week. It seems almost against nature not to have cake on your birthday, right? Maybe it’s just my sweet tooth talking, but Mom – if you’re reading this, I’d love a yellow cake with chocolate frosting! If you could throw some of those mini chocolate chips on top, that would be incredible.

Dave’s old-man maroon Impala finally went to car heaven this week and we replaced him with a beautiful, shiny new Subaru Outback. I’m so excited!! We’ll be able to put the dog in the back so our back seat will no longer be covered in a thick film of fur and mud. Call me crazy, but it makes me feel more like a grown-up to drive a nice vehicle that isn’t scratched, dented, maroon or smelly.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope you have a lovely evening and a happy, productive weekend!

This week’s Meatless Monday meal comes to us from Erin at Naturally Ella. I love this recipe so much because it tastes almost exactly like my favorite dish at Noodles & Co. – Indonesian Peanut Saute. As my friend Abby will tell you, I get it every time we go there for lunch & I don’t even consider ordering anything else. Give me some vegetables and tofu covered in peanut sauce and I’m the happiest person in the world!

This recipe is nice because it gives you some freedom in what vegetables you add to it. I like to add broccoli, carrots & chopped green onion, but you can go crazy and add whatever appeals to you. In the past I’ve added red pepper and cauliflower, and both were delicious. Also, the recipe calls for brown rice noodles, but if you can’t find those in your grocery store, feel free to sub them with any type of noodle. I’ve used both udon noodles and whole wheat linguine and they were both a hit. If you don’t eat honey, I would recommend subbing it with a little agave nectar or just leave out the sweetener entirely – I omitted it once and didn’t even miss it. Finally, while the recipe doesn’t call for it, I also like to add some baked or pan-fried tofu to this recipe to really make it amazing. Happy cooking!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving weekend! Ours was pretty much perfect – lots of good food, fun times with family and friends, several great yoga classes, a little bit of small business Saturday shopping and a very loud & energetic concert. I think I may stay in my pajamas for a good portion of today!

Me & Dave at the Titus Andronicus show at the Frequency. Great time!

Friday marked the start of my “No Sugar” pledge, and so far it’s been going really well. I don’t consider myself to be particularly addicted to sugar, but I do notice that I usually crave something sweet after finishing lunch and dinner (especially if the meal was salty or really spicy). I’m also guilty of “grazing” on sweets throughout the day. I’m not the type to eat an entire pint of ice cream or a whole box of cookies in one sitting, but I’ll grab a package of M&Ms or a mini Twix bar off the counter at work whenever I fill up my water bottle. If we have candy in the house, I’ll have a piece (or six) just because it’s there. It’s that type of mindless snacking that I’m really looking to avoid, and I think this pledge is a great way to keep me on track.

In other news, my wonderful husband made the Lentil Apple Walnut loaf I posted last week in the Meatless Monday feature. It was my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian & thanks to Dave and my fantastic in-laws, it was a really successful meal. I didn’t even miss the turkey, although I’ll admit I missed covering everything in gravy! I’ll have to find a good recipe for vegetarian or vegan gravy before Christmas. The Lentil Apple Walnut loaf was really tasty & it made for great leftovers the next day. It was a pretty labor-intensive recipe so it’s not something I would make on a weeknight, but it’s good for a special occasion meal.

One last thing – I’ve decided to commit to doing yoga every day from now until the new year. Even if it’s only 15 minutes on my mat at home, I think it’ll help support the other healthy choices I’m making during this holiday season. I also stopped into my favorite activewear store yesterday, Catalyst, and signed up for their “1 mile a day” pledge. In signing the pledge I committed to walking or running at least one mile every day for 27 out of 37 days from Monday, November 26th until New Year’s day. You can visit their Facebook page for more info on how to sign up for the pledge. In case you haven’t picked up on the theme, I really like pledges!! I’m a person who needs to be held accountable otherwise I have a hard time staying motivated. Do pledges or other commitments help you stay on track? I would love to hear from you! Have a great Sunday!

What better way to use my blog than to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful mom!! I love you!!!

The three girls!

Follow up on the Hell No to Sugar event…

Here is the No Sugar pledge I signed after the Great Conversation event last week:

Join the movement…

Sign the pledge to push back against the holiday feeding frenzy and say no to sugar from November 23rd (the day after Thanksgiving) to January 1. What do we mean by sugar? We’re going to keep this super simple and have it specifically mean the following four things:

1.No candy

2. No desserts/bakery

3. No soda (including diet soda)

4. No ice cream

Why? You’ll feel better, more joyous and LESS deprived. Less deprived of vitality, energy, and health. Less inflammation, less dis-ease, less weight gain, less irritability. More peace in your mind knowing the answer is simply, “No, I don’t eat that.”

But, but, but…”I just want to enjoy my life and have fun.” If this excuse pops into your brain, consider the words of Dean Ornish, M.D.:

“That’s a false choice. It’s fun for you to look good, feel good, have more energy, think more clearly, sleep better, taste better, smell better, and perform better athletically…and sexually. Ironically some of the behaviors that many people think are fun (like poor eating crap) are the same ones that leave them feeling lethargic, depressed and impotent. How fun is that?”

Walk away from a ‘tradition’ of eating like crap that wreaks havoc on our bodies, minds, and spirits.

I’ll be posting updates on how this pledge goes for me, and I would LOVE to have some company on this journey. If you’re interested in joining me, comment on this post or e-mail me at katie (at) funfearfulfemale (dot) com. If you’d be willing to write a guest blog entry about the experience of giving up sugar, that would be super rad!